Fear and Anxiety
I was terrified to give birth. I couldn’t stand the thought of not knowing if it was indeed actual labor or false labor. Not knowing kept me up all night long. Even though both my babies and pregnancies were entirely healthy, I chose to have an induced birth both times, and it was the perfect birth for me.
All my life, I’ve had anxiety, so there was always a fear of losing my baby. Even as a teenager, my worst fear was not being able to become a mom, or losing a child. But when I first found out I was pregnant, that all completely disappeared. Only excitement remained.
However, I lost my first baby to a miscarriage. At 12 weeks, I started bleeding, and I instantly knew my baby was gone. After spending two days in a hospital, they finally told me I miscarried. Since then, my subsequent two pregnancies were not very exciting but primarily anxiety-based.
My mom had insanely fast labors, and while I wanted to be that way too, it scared me to think I could deliver in the car if I didn’t catch my labor in time.
I was living in Hawaii at the time, and the hospital was an hour and a half away, without traffic. The roads to the hospital were filled with potholes that jerked me around. I knew there was no way I could have a happy birthing experience without being induced.
I talked with my doctor, and she was so excited and had no problem whatsoever about inducing me. She shared research that supported inducing at 39 weeks and it sold me. It was so exciting to move forward without all that anxiety. Plus, we also got to choose our daughter’s birth date and what day worked best in our schedules.
Day of Inducing
While there were still some nerves as soon as I got to the hospital to be induced, I knew I made the right decision. I knew that I would soon see my baby, and that gave me the endurance I needed. And boy, did I need endurance.
I was only 1cm dilated when we arrived. I received the induction around 9:00 pm, just an hour after we arrived. My parents got us food and went home for the night. The nurses shared with me that this induction medicine would take 12 hours, and I would be able to sleep through it.
Around 10 pm, we tried to sleep. I started to feel more cramping and just tossed and turned for two hours. I kept changing positions but it was no help. More and more pain came every minute.
Around 12:30 am I tried to walk around with my husband. Together we tried all sorts of things, including massages, bouncing on a birthing ball, and laying down. The pain was intense and only getting worse.
I read countless labor stories and books. Everyone told me if I thought the pain was terrible in the beginning, just wait because it only gets worse. I never had more pain than that night. Looking back, it was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. But I kept telling myself it was only going to get worse. But, in reality, it wasn’t. That was the worst.
Getting the epidural was always in my plan. I wanted to enjoy my delivery and not be in pain. I was fully prepared to get one, I just worried about getting it too early and being in pain once I finally push in the end.
By 6 am I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted the nurse and I wanted pain relief fast. She checked me, but I was only 3cm dilated. For some reason, she would not let me get an epidural until I was 5cm dilated. Those were the three longest hours of my life.
I felt discouraged because that pain was unbearable, I felt like I would see my child soon. When I heard that I was only 3 cm dilated, I felt like giving up. I did my best to push on.
Finally, at 9 am, I was 5cm dilated and was able to get the epidural. The birth was black and white from then on. I was smiling and happy and could enjoy the rest of the delivery. And, I absolutely did.
At 2 pm, my water broke naturally. At 3:40 pm, I knew it was time to push. I felt this incredibly huge urge to push. The nurse got my doctor, and by 4:00, I had a healthy baby girl snuggled up next to me. Thankfully, I only had to push four times.
My Second Delivery
Again, when I found out I was pregnant the second time around, I knew I needed the same birth plan, and my doctor quickly agreed.
This time there was definitely more exciting, especially on the way to the hospital to be induced.
Instead of the uncertainty, there was happiness. However, this birth was nothing like the previous one.
I immediately got induced and found out I was already in labor. Thankfully, I was able to get the epidural immediately afterward. If I hadn’t, I would have had a completely natural birth, and it would have been bad for me.
Around 11 am my doctor came to break my water. Everything was happy and exciting. No pain so far.
By noon I started to feel pain and discomfort and knew I would be pushing soon. Around 12:30, the pain was unbearable even with the epidural.
The doctor came to raise my dosage when I immediately knew my baby was coming that instant.
One push and my baby arrived. It felt like he literally slid down a slide to arrive. He was a big one, coming at 9 pounds, 4 ounces. While I still deal with the pain from that quick delivery, I’m so grateful it was faster than the first one.
Being induced turned out to be the perfect birth plan for me, not once but twice! I love a positive birth experience, and with my anxiety, that was only possible by being induced.
Aloha! I am a mama of 3 little ones. All my life I wanted to be a mom. When I was pregnant with my first, I had to stop working. So, I created a blog to help me be a stay-at-home mom all the while supporting my family as well. I am working towards my master’s degree so I can become a family therapist. My goal is to become a virtual therapist. My blog helps me accomplish my goal somewhat right now! I love to help mamas and wives find their true identities and potential.